Today's Weather:
Tornado warning for Siena area. Heavy rain and flooding expected later.
Sunrise: Around dawn.
Sunset: Just before dusk
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SIENA | THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 09, 2010 | The Nation's Oldest Daily | Since last week
http://www.IGotNewsForYou.com |
Today's Stock Market Top Picks:
None of yours.
Today's Losing Lottery Numbers:
1, 12, 8, 14, 28, 32, 48
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IN FOCUS
Blackeyes Beaten
For years the conventional wisdom has been that the best treatment for a black eye is to put a piece of raw meat on it. A study led by Siena scientist, Marsi Mema, has proven that while raw meat does help the healing process, a cold steak actually delays the recovery of broken blood vessels that cause the black and blue marks around the eyes. Mema's study showed that the application of warm, soft and tender meat is the most effective way to help eyes recover from the damage.
Revolutionary eye treatment
Female Wrestler Caught!
Female Russian wrestler, Marsiesky Memaova, had to relinquish her Olympic Gold Medal yesterday after she was found to have used strength-enhancing drugs.
Eri F, Chief Medical Officer, in an interview with NFY reporters, said, "I became suspicious when we had to provide Memaova with a metal container as the force of her urination kept breaking the glass cups. I was sure Memaova was taking banned substances, however, when after a few days I went to get her sample from the fridge to conduct more tests and found that the urine had solidified into a rock hard block."
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Imitation, Flattery, Hollywood!
When Will It Stop?
What a place!
From the NFY Entertainment Desk
Hollywood has been known to recognize a successful entertainment formula and copy it until the bitter end. With the recent success of Brokeback Mountain, NBC is about to release a pilot about two macho submariners trying to hide their tumultuous love among 300 other guys in the crowded sub trying to hide their tumultuous love.
CBS Head of Programming, Marsi Mema, said that CBS is launching a Friday night movie where two Inuit men desperately seek privacy in the frozen North and try to avoid the curious eyes of polar bears, seals and various wild birds.
And Eri F, Vice-President of ABC, said that their network would not to be caught with their pants down They too have a weekly sit-com in the works, one where two gay macho pirates try not to hurt themselves with their swords, hooks and peg legs while their parrots try to maintain their lesbian relationship.
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Siena Star Wows Them!
Dodi L
Field Reporter
Siena -
Marsi Mema, local chanteuse, made a brilliant debut at the Siena Paladium last night.
Elegantly dressed in a sheer, diaphanous, see-through, transparent evening gown, with no visible underwear, Marsi gave the crowd a show they would forever remember.
Her rendition of "I used to kiss him on the lips, but it's all over now," brought many of the men in the audience to the point of paroxysms, swooning, mooning and crooning along with the artiste. Bodyguards had to ring the stage during her finale of "A hard man is so good to find."
Siena Ladies Auxiliary has vowed to close the show.
"Marsi was always a bit slutty," best friend Eri F told reporters.
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Local Flirt Teases Tom
A catfight broke out in New York's upscale Four Seasons restaurant last night, when well-known Siena resident Marsi Mema reportedly gave the 'come hither' look to Tom Cruise, dining nearby with his new wife, Katie Holmes. Apparently Tom then invited Marsi over for a drink but Miss Holmes became vocally animated, referring to the female canine side of Ms Mema. A hair-pulling, clawing and cussing match ensued for several minutes before waiters were able to separate the two antagonists.
A Church of Scientology spokesman stated, ''This is one of life's questions to which we have no answer, yet.
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* Dodi L of the Clairvoyants Society has cancelled
tonight's meeting due to unforeseen events.
Page B8
* Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!
Eri F, Crime Reporter |
FOR SALE, by aspiring stripper who has recently given up skydiving and doing sudoku...
Parachute, only used once, never opened, small stain.
Contact Marsi Mema at Siena Hospital, Rehabilitation Ward.
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Marsi Mema, servizio clienti at Spizzico Advises New Business Grads!
"There are two rules for success. One: Don't tell all you know." |
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